I've got a skeleton in my closet, Reader😥

A family secret that has been passed down through two generations.

And I'm curious. To the point of investigation.

My dad, my beautiful superman, is now 93.

He is one of four with three sisters, and is the second eldest. The eldest is 95. Their two youngest sisters sadly have passed.

My sister and I are the youngest of 13 cousins who are all married and have children of their own. You can imagine our get-togethers! Last time we had a family reunion, we had to rent out an entire country motel complex.

But..

There are more of us - we think.

My grandparents, living in a small country town on the West Coast of South Australia, had a baby out of wedlock.

🤔So there is an older brother.

Although, there's different versions of the story floating around.

One is that my grandmother was sent to Adelaide for the duration of the pregnancy, and the baby was adopted out in Victoria to avoid the shame.

The other is that the local doctor raped my grandmother who was a nurse at the time.

As a family, we've discussed it, and after comparing all the info, we believe the first scenario is the truth.

My dad told me the second story, and he certainly believed it. He seemed angry when he shared it a few years ago.

To cut a long story short, one of my aunts believed she met the brother at a function one day In Melbourne many years ago. They got chatting about their backgrounds, and this fella knew a lot about the West Coast.

My aunt felt the vibes and put two and two together.

She wanted desperately to follow up that fella, but the eldest sister apparently shut it down, and my dear old dad also said, "Let sleeping dogs lie."

But I can't..

And neither can one of my cousins.

We aren't really sure where to start, but we discovered coincidentally that we've both done a DNA test and registered on Ancestry.com in the hope that something (or someone) will pop up.

And so we wait, for now.

We believe we have blood relatives out there who don't know we exist. I really, deeply, hope we can find them.

If we don't, we will always wonder😖

Family shame is destructive.

The secrets not discussed, and the guilt of the past holds heaviness in our bodies.

When mothers birth their babes, they pass on their cells. Those cells hold memory.

The shame a mother feels can be unknowingly inherited by the child.

Have you ever noticed any similarities between you, your mother, and maybe your grandmother? Are there any patterns repeating?

If so, I encourage you to ask yourself if they are they serving you, or holding you back.

Or, are you triggered by them? You realise you don't want to be like them.

If you are doing things differently, and feel a bit like the black sheep... congratulations, you are the cycle breaker.

And I know, how fkn uncomfortable that is 😢

As a 'disruptor' we can feel misunderstood, unsupported, and unvalidated.

It takes courage.

It's not easy.

But there are ways you can be the one who changes things for your family, and feel confident to:

🙏🏼 Release guilt and shame.
🙏🏼 Feel secure within yourself, even if others don't accept you.
🙏🏼 Embrace your strength with confidence.

When you discover the psychology behind your patterns, and your family's patterns... that understanding is the beginning of your happier life.

You don't have to carry the weight of your previous generations.

Choose to change your family codes for health, circumstances, and happiness.

Do you have a story about your family, or wonder why you feel so different from them but haven't been able to talk about it? I encourage you to reply and share with me. I know how you feel, I live it too.

Till soon, Reader🥰

Love, Ali x

PS; My life is changing in a week or so, I'll be sharing soon. Stay tuned.

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