Grief snuck up on me this week, Reader.

I was just starting my day as normal, blow drying my hair, when it hit me 💔

I miss my beautiful friend, Katy, so much.
I didn’t get to say goodbye.

But I also know I didn’t need to… she would have hated the thought of her devastated loved ones filing through for one last embrace.

I hear her laugh, and her voice. She's loving it up there. She had a wicked, dark sense of humour, and we laughed a lot through the big things of sharing the cancer experience.

In fact, I hear the laughs of all three special people we’ve lost this year.

It has cracked me open, in a good way.

Once upon a time, grief didn’t do that to me.

When I lost someone after my mum died when I was 16, I hardened.

I denied sadness.

I even remember saying to someone with cancer, when I was just 25: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any compassion left to give. I’ve been through too much.” Who does that, right? Yep, I did 😔

That’s how big grief can get when it’s left unchecked.

I would even go so far as to say I became 'unhinged' (which is the new cool kids term for messed up). Think drugs, alcohol, reckless behaviour, and projecting my pain in blame.

(There are stories just too wild to talk about - my kids think I know nothing.)

Now, it’s different.

I still grieve, and it still hurts, but it’s softer.

I don’t carry the weight of my mum’s grief into every new loss anymore.

The difference?

I let myself feel it.

The fear. The tears. The angst.
I let it flow through me, instead of shutting it down.

✨ Here’s the strategy I want to leave you with:

The next time grief sneaks up on you, stop what you’re doing, take a breath, and let it wash over you for as long as you need to.

No pushing it away. No hardening. Just being with it.

Because you have to feel it, to heal it. 🙏

I’ve delivered workshops on collective grief. I’ve helped clients move through private grief.

I know how big it can get…

But I also know, it’s possible to get through it.

And you can too.

No matter how far back it goes.

💔 Moving Through Grief, One Gentle Step at a Time

When the ache feels too heavy, try this:

💌 Write your loved one a letter. Pour your heart, and all the unsaid words onto the page. Then burn it, and imagine the ashes carrying your words all the way to wherever they need to go.

🤍 Place your hands on your heart space. Whisper their name softly. Tell them you love them. For no other reason than you still do.

The greater the pain, means the greater the love you shared. What a gift.

With love,
Ali x