I was in a right state last week, Reader. It was definitely a week of wtaf!

I won't bore you with all the deets of each truck that came along and knocked me down throughout the last 10 days or so, but let's chat about me not being able to walk.

As well as all the physical cancer things, I have a spot in my back that is sensitive after having two epidurals, a c-section spinal block, and a spinal tap when I had meningitis in my early 20s.

Anyhoo.. on the Saturday morning before last, out on the grass, taking in the sunshine and breeze for my grounding practice, I bent over and bam.. it went out. Omg I couldn't stand up.

I was in excruciating pain. Like literally couldn't walk pain.

I tried all my old tricks to sort it out, but I knew this was a bad one.

This happens for me from time to time and it usually takes a week and a half to get over it.

It took my breath away.

That night, I needed to pee. I was using my walking stick on one side, and hubby on the other.

As I tried to take a step, I was suddenly transformed back to being 16.

I have such a vivid memory of me walking my mum down the passageway to get her to the bathroom.

She was in the final stages of life, and it was hard for her to walk.

The agony on her face as the tears fell, and her mouth grimaced, showed every ounce of bravery she had left.

It was both heartbreaking, and an honour to be the only one home that day and hold her hands as we took one small step at a time..

As I stood there in the doorway the weekend before last, Phil standing in front of me holding my hand, I sobbed.

For my mum and for that memory 39 years ago.

It was a release, and it took me by surprise.

I have thought of that memory for all these years and noticed it whenever it popped up. I've processed so much grief during that time, and it's not often these days I'm overcome by emotion.

For whatever reason, there was more that needed to come up, and out, to be able to move through it.

I cried my tears, I let my heart bleed, and I stood there with my cane for a moment, and then it left.

This is how grief works in the brain.

An action, or song, a location, or conversation can connect with a memory stored in the brain that makes the body feel like it did back in that moment you remember.

It can surprise us, and sometimes can feel so big we don't know what to do with it.

The truth is, we don't have to do anything, except allow.

Be with the moment, and hold yourself through it.

And just breathe.

Move slowly, and find ways to take care of yourself.

Back to my moment of moving slowly. Even though I was in agony, I was able to honour myself, my mum, and my release.

It's so important to support ourselves in this way.

This week, in the private community space, The Healing Circle, we have our Meditation Hour call, and we are focusing on raising our vibration to support ourselves.

We start at 7.30pm wednesday night Adelaide time.

Ladies, maybe you'd like to join us just for one hour.. just to honour yourself.

If you can't be there live, you have access to the recording, and in fact all the recordings, so you can watch them in privacy when you have a moment.

Hope to see you🙏🏻

Love, Ali x