I call boolschitt, Reader.

Having babies did not start easily for me. From pregnancy to parenting, it has been challenging.

For a long time, when I was young, I never wanted children. It wasn’t because I didn’t like them. I was scared of babies. The thought of holding one made me feel physically ill.

When I was 26, I married my first husband. He was eight years older than me, and having children straight away was important to him. My anxiety peaked whenever we talked about it, but I reluctantly agreed we could start trying once we were married.

I was terrified.

At the first pre-natal class they showed a birthing video and I had a panic attack. I cried all the way home. I never went back to the classes.

Falling pregnant and facing parenthood was the ultimate confrontation.

When my first child was born nearly 29 years ago, his birth was traumatic and ended in an emergency caesarean. Both of us could have died. I’ll spare you the details, or you’d still be reading this email tomorrow.

My baby boy never slept. I could barely have a shower. He projectile vomited after every feed, had eczema all over his body, was allergic to cow’s milk and cried a lot.

I nearly lost my mind.

Somehow, in the blur, I went on to have two more children over the next few years. Another boy, then my girl. Their births were difficult too. My second ended up in hospital at two weeks old because he wouldn’t feed. He also rarely slept, cried a lot and was fussy with food.

I was living on the edge of my sanity, and I didn't have much support. I never slept through the night and was going to work every day through it all.

My daughter, on the other hand, was an absolute dream. It took until the third time round to enjoy parenting. Until she learned to talk and started answering back!

My youngest is now almost 23. A lot has happened along the way, and for much of that time I was functioning in survival mode.

I haven’t always been the perfect parent.

I haven’t always got it right.

Sometimes I still don’t.

But I have taught my children a lot. I am very faarking proud of myself for getting this far, and proud of the people they’ve become.

They have held me to account several times, when I've needed to do better..

..and they have taught me as much as I've taught them.

They work their asses off and embrace opportunities. They are kind and generous. They know their worth. They are adventurous, brave and resilient. And my lord, do they know how to love.

What a privilege it is to be their mum.

Twelve years ago, I also became a step mum to my now husband's three children. That has been as hard as it has been rewarding.

And I want to say something I don’t hear said very often: there have been moments when I’ve felt jealous of people who haven’t had children.

Some of you reading this haven’t had children, whether by choice or because life unfolded differently than you hoped. Society can be quick to make assumptions about you. I call boolschitt on that too. I see you. You are enough.

If pregnancy and parenting have felt relatively easy for you, I’m glad. If they’ve been difficult, or still are, I hope you can offer yourself some compassion for the moments you were doing your best with what you had.

And if you have mothered someone without giving birth to them, I see you too.

There are so many ways to be a woman, to care for others and to make a meaningful life. None of us has to earn our worth by getting it all right.

That’s why I dedicated my book, The Glorious Responsibility of Happiness, to the women of the world.

Here’s a sneak peek at the introduction:

As women, we are powerful enough to teach the youth of today to be the grounded, successful adults of the future, whether you birthed them or not. You live with them, or work with them, and/or engage with them.

Oh, and Reader, I'm now that woman that goes gaga around babies. It's amazing how one can change, isn't it? And for those who are mothers to the furry kind of children, you're pretty awesome too.

As one powerful woman, I would love you to feel inspired through reading my book and know that it is for you. You can purchase it in paperback or Kindle.

I received this message about the book the other day from a client...

"I leave your book on my work desk and read a page every morning - love it." It's like picking a card each day.

If you have a copy, I'd love you to reply and share your honest thoughts with me 🙏🏻

Ali x