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I've asked this myself so many times over the years of being on this earth, and being a mum, Reader. How is it that humans who came from the same DNA can be so different? It brings up the old debate nature vs nurture. The answer is both. Our genetics give us our starting point. They influence things like our physical characteristics, some personality traits, natural abilities, and even certain predispositions. But genetics are only part of the story. The other part is life itself. Every one of us develops within an environment that is constantly changing. 🙎🏻♀️Our parents are changing. The technical terms used for these circumstances in therapy are the mesosystem, exosystem, and the macrosystem. It's Broffenbrenner's evidence based systems theory I refer to in a session when unpacking family dynamics to help you understand yourself. And while all of that is happening... we're changing too. Take an eldest child, for example. Their parents might be navigating their first mortgage, learning how to be parents, worrying about money, and trying to figure out life as they go. Five years later, when the second child arrives, life looks completely different. There may be another child at school, career pressures, ageing parents, rising bills, relationship challenges, different friendships, and a whole new set of experiences shaping the family. The children may share the same parents.. but they never share the exact same childhood. Then add everything else that shapes us: ➡️the friendships we have No wonder siblings can grow into such different adults. Understanding this isn't about blaming our parents. Most parents are simply doing the best they can with what life is asking of them at that moment. It's about understanding. Because when we begin to understand the experiences that shaped us, we stop asking.. "What's wrong with me?" ...and we start asking, "What happened that taught me to think, feel and respond this way?" That one shift changes everything. It's the beginning of compassion. It's the beginning of healing. And it's often the first time people realise they were never broken to begin with. How do you feel reading all of that, Reader? Does it give you some insights? If you've been noticing patterns in yourself that you'd benefit from understanding more deeply.. the overthinking, people pleasing, emotional reactions, perfectionism or constant feeling that you have to hold everything together, I'd love to help you connect the dots. (It helped me release resentment when I connected my own dots.) Sometimes one conversation is all it takes to see your life through a completely different lens. I've got one appointment available this Saturday at 9am (ACST) either in person or online. You can easily reply to lock it in. Let's connect your dots. Love, Ali x |
Sharing uncomplicated truths to encourage and educate women to embrace their healing power.
This will make sense in the email! Hi Reader, You might remember from my last email that I’ve recently been exhausted. For three weeks, I rested, took slow walks at the beach, binged Netflix, went away to the river, and rested some more. And it helped. But as I started to feel a little better, I realised there was something else I needed to do.. to shift some stagnant energy. There's good rest, and harmful rest. Good rest is restorative. Harmful rest refers to the old saying, if you don't use...
I’m done pretending I can push through fatigue, Reader. I’m tired at the moment. The kind of tired that makes ordinary things feel harder than usual. And I’ve noticed when I have less energy to do the usual things, some of my old survival behaviours take centre stage. I find ways to numb out for respite, and I avoid.. I delay life admin. I only do the washing in small amounts, and I turn into the world's worst cook! I've taken some time off, and I've been Netflixing. And today, hubby and I...
I call boolschitt, Reader. Having babies did not start easily for me. From pregnancy to parenting, it has been challenging. For a long time, when I was young, I never wanted children. It wasn’t because I didn’t like them. I was scared of babies. The thought of holding one made me feel physically ill. When I was 26, I married my first husband. He was eight years older than me, and having children straight away was important to him. My anxiety peaked whenever we talked about it, but I...