|
Last Saturday night, hubby and I were heading out with some friends to see Donāt Change, an Australian INXS tribute band. Of course, we had INXS pumping in the car on the way there š¶š· Then Devil Inside came on. And just like that, I was 17 again. I started telling hubby and our friends a story I hadnāt thought about in years⦠Iād just finished school. I had my licence, access to Mumās car, and very few responsibilities. Mum had been gone for about nine months by then, and for the first time in my life, I felt free. Really free. My friend and I spent our days cruising around the city, going to the beach and doing whatever 17-year-old girls with nowhere particularly important to be, did in those days. It was summer. It was bloody hot. The car had no air conditioning, so the windows were permanently down and the music was permanently UP. And the soundtrack to that summer was INXS. It was 1987. Kick had just come out, and I had that baby on repeat on cassette. Yes. Cassette. One of our favourites was Devil Inside, which obviously needed to be played at full volume while driving around in 35-degree heat with the windows down. One day at the beach, my friend and I met two very cute American guys. They told us they were in town because their dads were building condos nearby. Excellent. So, as you do when youāre 17, and enjoy attention from boys, we started hanging out with them! One day, the four of us were cruising around. My friend and I were in the front, the American fellas were in the back, and Devil Inside was pumping. Us girls were singing our little hearts out to this absolute banger (who knew banger would even become a word?š) when I noticed the boys whispering to each other in the back seat. I didnāt think much of it. We were far too busy singing. A little while later, we visited the boys at their unit and noticed something sitting on top of the fridge. A Bible. Of course we were curious, and asked them about it. I canāt remember exactly what they said at first, but eventually the truth came out. Our cute American boys were Mormons. Whaaattt??? A truly elaborate story they had spun to us. And looking back now, Iām pretty sure those two young men were at serious risk of getting themselves into a shitload of trouble hanging around with us. It also gave their little whispered conversation in the back of the car (while two teenage girls screamed Devil Inside at the top of their lungs) a whole new meaning. Eeekš± I donāt remember exactly what happened after that. Iām pretty sure we decided it was all a bit complicated and went our separate ways. But I remember that summer. And all these years later, there I was, sitting in a car on the way to an INXS tribute show, hearing that song again and telling the story as though I could still see those two boys whispering in the back seat. Itās funny what music can do. A few notes and suddenly we remember the heat on our skin. The car we were driving. The person sitting beside us. What we were laughing about. And sometimes, even how it felt to be us back then. Because our brains donāt only create memories around what happened. They create associations around how those moments felt. It's how the brain creates meaning. And I think thatās what Kick holds for me. Freedom. At 17, I had no idea I was creating a memory that would still be able to make me laugh nearly four decades later. I thought I was just driving around in Mumās car with my friend, two Mormon boys in the back, belting out INXS with the windows down. But my brain was recording so much more than a song. It was recording a feeling. A time in my life when the world suddenly seemed big and exciting. And perhaps thatās why seemingly insignificant memories can stay with us for so long. They remind us that our lives arenāt only shaped by the big things that happened to us. Theyāre also shaped by thousands of little moments when we were simply living. And every now and then, a song comes on⦠and takes us back to one of them. Funny how one song can unlock a whole bloody chapter of your lifeš Our brains are constantly attaching meaning to our experiences, even when we have absolutely no idea itās happening. And sometimes itās worth going back and getting curious about what we stored there. Thatās what weāre playing with tonight in the Faark This Shit call inside my private community. A little remembering. A little understanding. And probably a few, āWell faark⦠that explains a lot.ā momentsš āCome and join us (just for the ladies right now) We kick of at 7pm Adelaide time for an hour. And... I've just launched a little sweetener in the community - those who are present for both calls each month go in the draw for a free session with moi šš» And for those of you who are also INXS fans.. turn this up, I know you still know the words! What a band, what a man Michael was, and what a blast they made the 80's into š· See you tonight? Love, Ali x |
Sharing uncomplicated truths to encourage and educate women to embrace their healing power.
Iām done pretending I can push through fatigue, Reader. Iām tired at the moment. The kind of tired that makes ordinary things feel harder than usual. And Iāve noticed when I have less energy to do the usual things, some of my old survival behaviours take centre stage. I find ways to numb out for respite, and I avoid.. I delay life admin. I only do the washing in small amounts, and I turn into the world's worst cook! I've taken some time off, and I've been Netflixing. And today, hubby and I...
I call boolschitt, Reader. Having babies did not start easily for me. From pregnancy to parenting, it has been challenging. For a long time, when I was young, I never wanted children. It wasnāt because I didnāt like them. I was scared of babies. The thought of holding one made me feel physically ill. When I was 26, I married my first husband. He was eight years older than me, and having children straight away was important to him. My anxiety peaked whenever we talked about it, but I...
I recently had my cancer scans, Reader. Most of you know my story, but for those of you who don't - I live with Stage 4 Breast Cancer, and a permanently broken hip! (If you're interested to read more, check out my blog posts on my website.) Getting the line in my arm was the most stressful event of the day. Two doctors, three nurses and an ultrasound machine eventually negotiated success with my very tricky veins. But the news I had been hoping for was shared with me a little earlier than...